Blaze & Grey Law Firm
by batman100
Summary: When the payment rates arent good enough, Jean and Ghost Rider come up with a drastic, but crazy idea: start a private law firm and handle all the trouble in the mutant community. However, it results in a neverending stream of chaos, hilarity, mishaps, mayhem and the most outrageous scenarios possible! Rated M for sexuality and a tiny bit of profanity
1. Chapter 1

**Blaze & Grey Law Firm by Batman100**

**A/N: After getting some inspiration from UK Underworld King's Steel n' Blade, I thought it would be interesting to see Jean Grey and GR working together to earn extra cash… and handle all the craziness in their mutant community. That said, this should be a HILARIOUS series, and without more ado; here's the story!**

**Chapter 1: A Business Is Built**

"Hey GR, what's up?" Jean asked sweetly, as the brimstone biker was waxing his prized hell motorcycle. Apparently, ever since Ghost Rider joined the crew, neither one have had luck in the financial business

"Ah, not much, thought I might go crusing through the neighborhood, get some drinks, possibly dinner, its all good. What's new with you?" Ghost Rider asked as Jean started

"Question: When we did that job down in the Morlock sewers, did we even **get** one ounce of credits?" Jean asked, as the brimstone bounty hunter started to understand. And credits is a term for money, btw

"Nah. The professor keeps yapping on and on about why it's so expensive to get free bank checks these days. And I do **not** want to bring up what happened with that checking account in New Jersey." GR muttered, clearly unfazed by Professor X's constant cheapskate ideals.

"Well, it seems to me there's only one solution to this problem." Jean stated. "Yeah? What would that be anyhow?" GR asked, scratching his skull chin

"We form our own business." Jean answered. GR swallowed this for a bit then flatly responded "What?"

"C'mon, think about it! You and me! We can assist with whatever the guys at the mansion ask of, we get it done, and in return: we get extra cash! It's practically a payday job all in one!" Jean excitedly explained, even going far as to bending on her knees with a sincere puppy-dog look as GR rolled his eyes in disgust as to seeing a grown young woman acting like a attention-needy dog

"Uh, Jean…" GR started, only to be cut off by the admiring, sincere look in Jean's eyes. After all, apart from Scott, Rogue, Kurt, Hank, and sometimes Logan; Jean is the only one who ever understood the skeleton biker and his constant search for a place to call home. After a brief stare, Ghost Rider realized this wasn't a situation he can talk himself out of.

"So? What do you say… tiger?" Jean teasingly purred, a hint of wildly erratic sense glinting in her eyes. GR muttered something incoherently then uttered, "You've got yourself a deal, partner."

"YAHOOOIE!" Jean suddenly cheered hysterically then tackled GR to the ground, smooching him all over the face- even his fiery head

"All right all right. Thanks for the, um… consideration. Now, can you get off me?" GR gasped, as Jean stared at him with a crazed look that spelled you-know-what

"Why are you looking at me like that?" GR asked again, before it hit him "Oh, **God.** No, nonononon. No way, uh-huh. I'm NOT doing it."

"Oh, come here and take off that jacket baby. It's cold as ice in here…" Jean purred, before yanking GR's shirt collar and hauled him into an outhouse and locked the door, and quite on time, as Victor was about to enter said outhouse

"Oh god, oh yeah, ohhh, ohhh fuck me GR, fuck me like I'm a prostitute, and not a woman… ohhh…" Jean moaned as her orgasm meter was rising

"What in the…?" Victor gasped, his eye twitching like crazy before ducking for cover as a large wall of fire blew clear out from the smokestack of the outhouse and landed on an unsuspecting Todd.

"Hey, is there something burning?" Todd stupidly asked, before judging the look Tabby, Evan and Kitty were giving him, he learned too soon. "Oh shit."

"Oh ohhh Johnny, that feels so good… oohhhh, ohh yeah, yeah put a bun in my oven sugar…" Jean moaned sleepily, as her moans switched between snoring. Within a few seconds, Jean was fast asleep, sucking her thumb as Ghost Rider stood on top of her, with a look that shrieked "I love this woman"

two hours later…

"Ok, so if we're going to start a business, we'll need a specific front." Jean started, having woken up from her, um 'fling' as she and GR were seated in her office going over some occupation brochures

"What about this one here?" GR asked. Jean looked and shrugged "Nah, that's IRS. They usually steal people's money." "See your point." GR stated, before something interesting caught his eye

"Hmmm… yes, yes… This may actually work… mm-hmmm, yes it's very possible!" Ghost Rider muttered excitedly before the lightbulb in his head blinked "I've got it!"

"Got who with what now?" Jean asked rapidly, having almost nodded off before GR reeled her in

"Jean, you remember Matt Murdock right? Well, this here says that there are many lawyers out in New York that handle cases involving superhuman criminals and court cases. So, with all these Acolytes and that Graydon fella's thugs running around, we may be able to get our own firm." GR explained

"What are you saying?" Jean asked curiously, about to take the bait "Jean, my dear… you and I are going to start… a law firm." GR proudly stated

"Hmmm, that does have a nice ring though… but what cases can we start with? There hasn't been a big mutant crime incident in weeks!" Jean gasped before the radio suddenly crackled on

_**Attention: All citizens of Bayville. At exactly 3 minutes ago, a group of mutant-hating terrorists has taken the Bayville Federal Civil Centre and the Senators for Mutant Rights hostage. SHIELD is trying to negotiate. Further details will be developed on this incident within the hours.**_

"Like the Bible says, ask and you shall receive. Jean, this case is only the beginning. We are gonna show those money-guzzling bureaucrats what a **true** law firm is like! Blaze and Grey firm!" GR proudly exclaimed, as he and Jean stood rather dramatically as the background cheering of thousands of spectators could be heard

**Now it looks like theres a new team of lawyers in town! Can they succeed in their search for fame and money? What will the X-Men think of the new business? Will Professor X eventually quit being such a penny-pincher? Why am I asking you these questions when this is only chapter 1? Don't touch that clicker, chapter 2 will be developed ASAP! Until next time, Auf Wiedersen**


	2. Chapter 2

**Blaze & Grey Law Firm by Batman100**

**Chapter 2: The Case is Out, but the Jury's in**

Ghost Rider got up with a guttural yawn and stretched his back before getting into his typical biker's uniform and instantly switched to a nicely dressed Italian suit courtesy of a holo-clothes device by Forge.

"Heh; this gizmo works like a charm. Now only if that would work on Logan's garage…" GR muttered as he entered his business partner's room and couldn't help but chuckle as Jean was snuggled in her satin bed, snoring away, clutching her plush teddy bear. "I cannot resist. The expression on her face is gonna be priceless!" GR snickered mischievously as he snuck toward Jean with a megaphone. Just as Jean was about to roll over…

"GOOODDD MORNNNIN' VIETTTNAAAAMMMMM" Ghost Rider bellowed loudly, the effect shattering all the windows in the mansion and unexpectedly, the dashboards on Logan's motorcycle

"Geez! Johnny, what the hell's wrong with you?! Next time, warn us before you do that!" Rogue grouched, hurling a shoe at GR's head before stomping off

"Sheesh, what a grouch." GR muttered, turning back to his partner, but only to face palm in disgust as Jean was still deep in dreamland. "Well, like my uncle always said, if you want somethin' done right, best to do it yourself." GR groaned, as he carried the slumbering Phoenix over to their newly decorated office labeled 'Blaze & Grey: Attorneys at Law for Hire'

Three hours later…

"Man, this stinks." GR groaned, tapping his ink pen. It was a quarter to 8, Jean was still asleep on the sofa, the phones haven't responded, and so far not a single customer had bothered to show up, until right on cue, a rhythmic tapping on the door echoed

"Finally." GR uttered to himself before echoing, "Come in." And who entered but the Ragin' Cajun hisself, Remy LeBeau. "Oh, good morning Gambit. Please take a seat. And, uh excuse my partner, Jean here. She's um… a bit hungover from last night." GR explained as Remy sat himself down

"Gotta admit man, this is a nice office y'all have. Spiffy like a smooth houseboat." Gambit mused, amazed by the décor of the office before speaking "I need the both of youse to do me a favor."

"Who's got a fever?" Jean sleepily muttered, yawning as she rubbed her eyes before seating next to her skeletal partner

"Not fever, **favor.** There's this weirdo neighbor o' mine that keeps complaining on me using my leaf blower. I think he's discriminating rights of nature." Gambit explained as the two had a huge flabbergasted look

"Hold on; lemme get this straight: you want us to help you sue a cranky uptight neighbor over you using your **leaf blower?** That's the craziest thing I've ever heard!" Ghost Rider cackled uproariously

"You'll have to excuse him Remy. He can be a little insensitive." Jean whispered

"I HEARD THAT!" GR bellowed

"Um; perhaps you'd hear it better from Abe, George and Ulysses?" Remy bargained slyly, waving 3 $100 bills in front of GR's face. Dollar signs were visible in both his and Jean's eyes. After a pause, Jean answered… "We'll take it."

Later that day…

"You sure about this, Jean? I don't want to creep the guy out. I mean, don't you think it may seem a bit, um **odd** for a mutant like you and a skeleton to be lawyers?" GR nervously asked as the two walked toward the house of the person in question

"Trust me, just follow my lead and it'll be ok. And believe me, he's probably just some big fat hunk of…" Jean drawled as the door opened, not to reveal a disheveled, raggedy fat drunk but only far worse: a decomposing, blobby, stomach-bulging man with a loose eye socket, a disgusting long scar across his forehead to his cheek and a large bulging fungus on his chest. Jean looked like she was about to vomit.

"Uh… Mr. Omar Gutenberg, I presume?" GR asked sheepishly, trying to hold in the bile that was visibly rising through his bony neck.

"Yeh, dat's me, so whattaya want, matey? Ar ar, yuhugg." Omar heaved, spewing large chunks of green-blackish slime all over his porch. It was then Jean couldn't hold it.

"You ok Jeannie? You look a bit queasy… Uh oh." GR finally realized as she immediately dove for a trash can and started bowing to the trash goddess like crazy

"Heyy… aren't you pals with dat LeBeau feller? That damn sumbitch keeps messin' up wit' me gardening! Damn stinkin Cajun bilge rat!" Omar snarled, a rifle behind his back

"What do you garden anyway?" GR asked, unaware of the shocking answer he was about to get "I plant skunk carcasses. They help keep my eels healthy. You want one?" Omar sneered, holding a rotting skunk by GR's face. The brimstone biker finally snapped.

"Ok… that **does it**. Gutenberg, you've just earned your ass a one-way ticket to HELL!" GR roared, unleashing hell as he blasted Gutenberg to heck with rapid bullets from his machine gun. The chaos culminated in a major explosion as an empty beer bottle collided with a gas line

**BLAMMMMMMM! BA-DOOOOMMMM!**

"I just love the smell of burnt lard-ass in the morning." GR cackled maniacally as a woozy Jean staggered to his side.

"What… happened? Did you talk to him?" Jean asked, completely unaware of what **really** happened and more importantly, Jean didn't notice the two eels making a meal out of Gutenberg's now fried to a crisp corpse.

"Let's just say his case went out with a bang. I don't think he'll be causing any more trouble." GR chuckled slyly as Jean eyed him strangely "How can you be sure?" Jean asked

"Let me put it this way: How good are you with studying mutant homicide maniacs?" GR asked

Later, at the Bayville Municipal Courthouse…

"The State of New York vs. a Mr. Tyrone Lee Johannesburg and a Mr. Earl Rayburn LaBelle IV." The bailiff echoed as the court jury was seated, with the defendants as well. Ghost Rider and Jean were seated in the attorney section; Jean wearing a nicely clothed Armani suit and cuff-collared pants. Ghost Rider, being classy as usual went for a double-breasted black Armani suit with a nicely fashioned forties fedora to top it off.

"Mr. Blaze, your clients have been charged for third-degree murder of a Mr. Omar Haynes Gutenberg of the town of Bayville, Salem Center. How do you respond?" the judge asked as the brimstone biker rose to the occasion

"Just follow my lead and we'll get the payroll in no time." GR whispered to Jean before making his address "Your Honor, with all due respect; my clients here are as guilty as they should be. They are here today, for killing a horribly disfigured, but totally misunderstood and misanthropic man in cold blood. I watched, with the look of horror on my face, when these, these immoral, pathetic, irredeemable sons of bitches blew that nicely built house of said person up in smoke like it was the Fourth of July! And **that**, ladies and gents of the jury, is EXACTLY! WHY! THESE TWO! ARE! **GUILTY!**" GR powerfully concluded, earning a well-deserved standing ovation of applause from the jury, even a more outstanding one from Jean herself

"Order! Order here! This ain't the Abraham Lincoln speech!" The judge rambled, before realizing the inevitable fate that would happen upon saying that to GR himself. The judge simply gave a thumbs-up to the skeleton biker, acknowledging his testimony. "Thank you Mr. Blaze. Now we would like to hear from the second presiding witness to this act: Mister Remy Étienne Jacques Cougar Gaston Armando Renoir Jean-Claude Giuseppe Amore Achill Aubergiene LeBeau, Esquire." The judge echoed as Gambit himself strode into the court, dressed in a smoothly sewn tuxedo with a flowingly suave long coat and a spiffy Lincoln top hat.

"Huh; and **I** thought Magneto dressed flamboyantly." Jean muttered, embarrassed by her co-worker's unfazed and seemingly outrageous dress style. GR couldn't agree more. "How the hell did he get esquire in the title?" GR asked "Don't ask." Jean muttered

Later that evening…

"Ahhh, how I love the sound of flipping lovely green dollars together. It makes such soothing music." GR sighed amusingly, as he flipped a quarter. Jean was slumped over the sofa, eyes nearing shut-down.

"GR, can we **please** call it a night? I…I need my beauty sleep." Jean muttered, trying not to succumb to the sandman's seducing wiles

"Aw c'mon hon, you've stayed up late before. What makes you think you possibly cannot… Oh." GR uttered in between chuckles and awe as Jean was lost in blissful slumber, sucking her thumb as she slept, psychic Z's visibly floating over her head. "Well, then again you're right. We have more work in the morning." GR yawned, placing a satin blanket over Jean before leaning in and smooching her on the forehead "Nite sweetheart. Love ya."


End file.
